THE GOSPEL TRUTH-- WHY AM I NOT PERFECT LIKE YOU?

The thought goes through my mind often when I stand in the mirror thinking about other people. Why am I not as skinny, pretty, fit, athletic, smart, studious, etc. as you? Why couldn't Heavenly Father bless me with similar qualities as you? Had I been punished because I had sinned differently or more intensely than you? Was I withheld talents because I missed an opportunity to gain it? But, maybe I wasn't perfect enough to be given that blessing.

ALL OF THOSE THOUGHTS ARE VALID TO HAVE, BUT NONE OF THEM ARE TRUE.

Your heavenly father loves you dearly and wants you to be happy and healthy in all ways. He's not withholding blessings from you because he doesn't love you. You’re withholding blessings from yourself because you don't love yourself the way he loves you.

As many of you reading have done, I have stood in the mirror pinching, tucking, playing with my clothes, fixing my makeup to appear perfect on the outside, when I am falling apart on the inside. I know it’s something we all hate to admit. Heck I spent hours crying once because I wasn't enough to go to an event. I know that I am not the prettiest person on the planet, but This is the body and face I have been given. It’s a work of art made in heaven, and someone in this world was made to love me just how I am. Despite what I do to my body, I should be loved because of what I am, not what I once was, and what I am not.  

Trust me when I say that I am not perfect. As you have probably noticed through this blog I am honest about what I have been through in my life, and today is not the day that I start sugar coating things from my life. I'm going to share an experience with you and hope that it can help any or all of you. 

I once had a boyfriend for many years. He was someone I thought I loved and was my first encounter with the male gender on a romantic level. He was someone that I met out of luck and it wasn't a healthy relationship. Soon after we started dating we got very physically close. I was young, roughly 13, and I wasn't sure where I thought the line was at the time. All my friends were doing things that were like what I was doing. I later found out that none of them were really doing these things at all, but that they told me they were to seem cool. Looking back, it was immature for them to do that, but teens will be teens. And it was my own fault to believe them and continue to do what I was doing. But, as time went on in our relationship things because physically abusive, both between him and me. I would often come home with bruises easily hidden by clothing and makeup, and I ever so quickly developed bad eating habits. With my head in the toilet one night I realized just how bad my food tasted the second time. While yes, I was thin and maintaining a "healthy" weight, I wasn't doing it in the right way. And it was taking a toll on me. My boyfriend over the course of our time together developed active lung cancer three times, the third time taking his life. And once he has gone it felt like my purpose of living was gone.

I never sought professional medical attention for my feelings or behaviors but broke them myself. I knew that if I wanted to live it had to be for myself at this point. The abuse was over, I could eat again, I could be myself again. But it didn't take long to feel the guilt and sadness that comes from feeling like a sinner and not good enough.

Forgiving ourselves for allowing things to happen to us is the hardest thing we possibly could do for ourselves. It’s something we all struggle with and is the last step in forgiving. We must first forgive those who hurt us, and honestly do so. Be forgiven by them for the things we had done as well and then forgive ourselves. There is no reason that we need to punish ourselves longer than needful. The only way we can truly move on is by forgiving ourselves and others. While I may have been physically hurt by my boyfriend (and it wasn't easy to forgive while I had bruises and scars) I was able to move past the past and heal the relationship I had with myself.

We all are different with different struggles and different capabilities. Know that youre not alone in your struggles. and know youre not alone in youre thoughts and feelings. None of us are perfect, so stop beating yourself up over being "not perfect enough". YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTH A LOT. YOU ARE PERFECT ENOUGH.