ON THE BLOG -- HOW I KNEW MARRIAGE WAS STILL RIGHT FOR ME.

OKAY, this blog post might sound like it’s a little irrational. And for all means, it realistically might be. But I know plenty of people out there that after a lot of failed relationships they tend to give up on the whole concept. And I would be lying if I said for a short while I didn't consider myself "Not marriage material". 

Shortly after my last relationship with Tim I hopped from unfulfilling NCMOs to unrealistic relationships. I hopped between people I would never see again that gave me physical gratification, and people I never wanted to see again, that just took advantage of the opportunity. (I'm going to be real with you- like I always am- and tell you that sometimes being a prude is okay.) I would be lying if I said that some days, I really loved being "that girl everyone has been with". But slowly the appeal left, and all I wanted to be was "that girl he's been with for what seems like forever." I wanted to be someones constant and steady person. But in order to do that I had to get my crap together. 

I had to get myself off my couch, put the tub of ice cream back in the freezer and decide to live my life the way I wanted to. If I wanted to look like some of the girls I saw on Instagram, I had to get up off the couch and do it. If I wanted to be a blogger, I just had to dive in and do it. If I wanted to be likeable, I had to decide to be someone I liked being around.

The first change I made to my life was that I started to go back to the gym. (I have a love hate relationship with the gym, and by that, I mean I really don’t love going to the gym… but once I am there, I feel great.)  I played lots of sports in high school, and because I loved being physically active – Actually I just liked how my body looked when I was active- that was a great place to start! At first, I didn’t notice a difference in my appearance, which made it harder to go. I wanted the instant gratification I got with boys to happen at thee gym. But as I kept going, I saw small changes and small things I liked.

The Second change I made was a mental shift. I decided that I just couldn’t let other people control my happiness. And honestly, it’s a lot easier said than done. Once I decided to shift my thought process and become someone who was mentally happy with where they where I was, I became a whole lot happier emotionally. (It was freaking hard, don’t take it lightly. I struggled and still to this day struggle with the emotional mental state of myself.)

Third, I surrounded myself with people that love me. Honestly this one wasn’t too hard. I have always had good friends that love me and that support me. But I needed to make changes even to my close friend group. I needed people in my life that understood what I wanted to accomplish in my life and that would help me get there. People come in basically three categories. Those who love you and you want a relationship with, those who will hurt you, and basically everyone else. Now, once you decide to let yourself classify the people in your life, you’ll get a lot more done in life. You can be happier, and you can be a better person.

Once I made those changes (Honestly more while I was making those changes) I realized that I wasn’t broken. I was just someone who wasn’t meant to be with those past loves. I was meant for something greater, and marriage was still in the picture. Its easy to believe in the culture of the people inside the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints you are more broken than you really are. And that if you don’t marry the first person you date in college, that something must be wrong with you. And that is strictly not true. Nothing is wrong with you if you don’t marry the second, third, fourth, or even tenth person you date at a church sponsored school. Youre doing just fine. Chill the crap out and give yourself a break.

Know that there are people out there that love you, I’m always here for you. Never feel too scared to reach out. And keep keeping on. You’ve got this!

-Love always, Malissa